Lost at Sea in Fatherhood? Your North Start Awaits
READ TIME: 4 MINUTES
I've never sailed before. But I guess it must be hard without a map. Or a destination. Fatherhood is the same. Without a compelling vision and set of goals that lead us there, we'll feel lost in the daily grind.
Fatherhood i reactive, rather than proactive. And it will feel like we're surviving, rather than thriving in it.
In a past post, I've explained how to create a vision. And, I know it can feel overwhelming at first. So today, I want to introduce a complementing concept that's much easier to grasp, but equally important.
The Fatherhood North Star 🌟
In this issue, I'll cover:
- Why we're all lost at sea (and why it's not your fault)
- The lifejackets we've been using (and why they're full of holes)
- Your 3-month North Star: A lighthouse in the storm
- How to chart your course (with my map as an example)
Ready to navigate these waters?
Let's dive in! 👇
(Ok, ok, enough with the metaphor)
The Dad Dilemma: Feeling Lost and Overwhelmed
It's true when you hear: "There's no manual for fatherhood."
As a dad, instructions are non-existent and the challenges change daily. This, in turn, leads to stress. Lot's of stress.
41% of parents state that most days, they experience so much stress that they cannot function.
As dads, we want to do better. But we don't know how. And, to be honest, the existing advice just doesn't help.
- Breaking the "distant dad" cycle we might have grown up with
- Catching those fleeting moments that make it all worthwhile
- Showing our kids what a fulfilled father looks like
- Building family bonds that last a lifetime
As dads, we want to do better. But we don't know how. And, to be honest, the existing advice just doesn't help.
The Advice We've Been Following
(And Why It's Not Working)
You've probably tried these.
I know I have:
- "Just prioritise!"
Reality: When everything feels urgent, how do you choose? - "Make a to-do list!"
Result: A written record of all you're failing to accomplish. Guilt, anyone? - "Find work-life balance!"
Truth: Balance is a myth when you're in the trenches of fatherhood. - "Set long-term goals!"
Problem: Who has energy for 5-year plans when sleep-deprived?
These approaches ignore a key fact:
Fatherhood is a rollercoaster.
Not a linear journey.
To help us out, what we need is a short-term focus that evolves with us - even if we don't have a clear vision yet.
For years, I was everywhere and nowhere as a dad, like a business trying to sell something to somebody. You know how that goes. 😂
My Own Example
Today I know my destination as a dad. I have a clearly defined vision for fatherhood. But I also have a short-term goal, a North Star if you will. And while things aren't perfect (are they ever?), I don't wrestle with stress anymore. And I feel nothing but fulfilment as a dad.
Let me give you a real example:
This summer, I spent 40+ days with my kids at home. 24/7. It was great at first, but then... complete madness. The collateral damage?
The relationship with my wife.
So, here's the situation:
- My vision statement:
"Be a role model of kindness, boldness and resilience to my kids." - My current challenge as a dad:
Reconnecting with my wife
Any guesses what my short-term "goal" or North Star might be?
Your 3-Month North Star: A Simple Measurable Guide for the Short Term
The term "North Star" comes from the business world, where companies use it as a guiding metric for long-term growth success.
As a former corporate innovation leader, I saw its power and thought, "Why not adapt it for fatherhood?" But while businesses might keep the same North Star for years, our dad-life version changes every 3-6 months.
Why? Because kids grow faster than market trends, and our challenges as fathers evolve rapidly too; and so should our North Star. Now, imagine having crystal-clear direction for the next 90 days. A guiding light that:
- Addresses your most pressing challenge RIGHT NOW
- Adapts as your kids grow and challenges change
- Requires minimal mental energy to maintain
- Gives you weekly wins to fuel motivation
This is your Fatherhood North Star.
Why it works:
- Short-term focus:
Tackles immediate challenges, not distant scenarios. - Measurable actions:
Track progress week by week. - Mental energy saver:
No extensive planning required. - Flexibility:
Evolves with your journey, adjusting as your family's needs change.
By adapting this business concept to fatherhood, we're taking a proven approach for success and applying it where it matters most - our family. It's not about maximising ROI; it's about maximising those precious moments and minimising the overwhelm.
Personally, I don't want to be part of the 41% of dads/parents who struggle daily. Neither should you. Ready to become the CEO of your fatherhood journey?
Let's create your North Star.
(you like this metaphor more?)
How to Create Your North Star in 3 Steps
Let's walk through this together.
I'll use my own as an example.
1️⃣ Identify Your Biggest Challenge
What's the one thing that's making fatherhood hardest right now?
For me:
As I said, my biggest challenge is that after the summer break my wife and I feel disconnected, which often leads to conflict in our parenting approaches.
2️⃣ Craft Your North Star Statement
Make it specific and measurable. No vague "be a better dad" allowed.
To help with your statement, consider:
- What would addressing this challenge look like on a daily basis?
- How can you quantify your efforts?
- What's a realistic timeframe?
My North Star:
"Engage in 30 minutes of quality, uninterrupted time with my wife every day, focusing on strengthening our relationship and aligning our parenting approaches - in the next three months."
2️⃣ Set Bi-Weekly Mini-Goals
Break your North Star into small, achievable and measurable actions. These goals should directly contribute to achieving your North Star. Consider this optional, but useful to make your North-Star more tangible.
My bi-weekly goals:
- Have a half-day out with my wife, just the two of us
- Plan and execute one at-home date night
- Check-in every day after kids bedtime
- Attend one couple's therapy session
Each of these goals directly supports my North Star by creating opportunities for quality time and improving our relationship. By nailing these smaller goals consistently, I'm making progress towards my North Start (and Vision).
Remember, your North Star and bi-weekly goals should align with your overall vision as a dad. Don't have a vision yet? No worries! Focus on addressing your biggest pain point.
Deep down, you know the dad you want to be – let that guide you. Whether you have a clear vision or you're just starting to figure things out, your North Star is about making progress. It's about becoming a better dad, one day at a time.
🚀 Your Turn
I've made a simple Google Doc template for you to map out your own Fatherhood North Star. Just open and copy it (it's free).
It includes:
- Vision statement (if you have it)
- Space to identify your biggest challenge as a dad right now
- A spot for your North Star
- By-weekly goal-setting area
- My example (for guidance)
Remember, fellow dad, you don't need to have it all figured out. One clear North Star can help transform your dad journey from surviving to thriving.
⏩
We're less than 3 months away from the end of the year. It's a perfect opportunity, there's still time to do something about your struggles this year. Go ahead, invest a few minutes to setup your North Star. It's worth it.
You've got this, Dad!
Fred
When you're ready, there's one way I can help you:
Dads Freedom Accelerator: A personalised 90-day program designed to help high-achieving dads conquer stress, build deep connections with their kids, and reclaim 10+ hours a week to thrive as fathers and leaders. I only take one new client every month - reply to this email for more details.
Conquer stress, build deeper bonds with your kids, and reclaim time to create lasting work-life harmony.
Start Here.
I will never spam you or sell your info.
Conquer stress, build deeper bonds with your kids, and reclaim time to create lasting work-life harmony.
Start Here.
I will never spam you or sell your info.
You got this. Let's go!
Copyright @ 2025 - Fred Figueiredo